FEAR - a basic instinct

Certain feelings fascinate me for the power they have to produce such strong reactions. Feelings like LOVE, or HATE, for example. As cliche as this might sound, the way we deal with our most basic instincts show how much control we have of ourselves and reveal the person we are without any social masks we naturally acquire in life. But I ain't here to talk about love. Not today. Instead, the other feeling that has often caught my attention is FEAR.

Fear is like a natural defense against possibly deadly hazards. We fear snakes because we know they can kill us. It's like a drop of rationality in our brain chemistry telling us that we'd better not fight what's in front of us cause we might just not survive. And here we are again, down to survival instincts. Would fear be part of that package?

I guess so, probably. But the point is that....fear comes together with anxiety, and that my friend, sucks big time!

Tomorrow's gonna be one of those days that I'd like to fast forward if I could. A Ghost from the past is coming back. And I'm sure as hell that it's coming straight my way to haunt me. I'm scared as hell. Torn between the will to completely ignore and avoid the presence of the Ghost, or facing it right up front. Running away has never been my style but...with this one in particular I know it would probably be the most effective strategy. On the other hand I could just go and face it. But...what is it there to face? Would this just be another excuse to simply give in to my stupid basic instinct which is to go ahead and Fight?

It's all in the dark and I fucking hate to be in the dark. Not knowing what's gonna happen. I guess that's what scares me most, to be unable to predict things correctly. Not knowing where I stand, being completely powerless before the situation, having to just sit and wait. Sit and wait.... sit....and wait.....again, sit....and wait....

May god help me this Wednesday, 27th of August 2008.